Feeling of my heart

Hello my diary! I'm not feeling really well 2day . Maybe it is about the N guy . My Taeng said to me that he was afraid to ask for a paper . He afraid about that ? OMO ! That's awful ! How can he afraid with me ? Talking to him is so far away and the hardest thing to do and now he's afraid with me ? That's a silly thing . Anyway, congrats to my friend . She's success doing her job . But look at me now . Sometimes, I had to lie to myself . Telling myself that I didn't loved him anymore but deep in my heart it's really hard . Taeng-ah ... remember when I told u that I had give up with him ? Well just for the information, I'm not tellung the truth . Firstly, I thought any 3 of you fallen with him . Secondly, I'm full of jealous . Whenever I saw how he clos with you guys, my heart felt like stab by a knife . Sometimes, Ester will get the payback . Lastly, erm ... erm ... I don't know . I'm sorry I didn't tell you in person . It is kind of shameful thing to say . And I'm kind of person that didn't show or tell you my problem . I remember one thing that I'll never forget . When you and him talking about something then Chin do the 'Twinkle' hand gesture . And you do it too then he join to do the same thing with you guys . Yeah !  I full of jealous that day .But I just pass it go and let it go that night . I'm crying non-stop even I don't want to cry . Well don't take any action with this post . It just I felt want to let it go ... sometimes . Okay ! Enough for this time . Thanks for reading . Bye !